I’m Maperla, and I flew halfway around the world chasing chill vibes. Picture it: a famous temple, monks gliding around, incense swirling like a movie. I wanted peace. Serenity. Maybe a cool TikTok. What I got? A one-way ticket to “Get Out” town.
Step One: The Sneaker Snafu
I roll up, hyped to soak in the calm. Everyone’s barefoot at the door—oops, I miss the memo. My sneakers squeak in like, “HELLO, TOURIST HERE!” Heads turn. A monk points at my feet, all polite-like. Panicking, I rip my shoes off—right in the prayer room. Not outside. Not where you’re supposed to. Just me, socks out, tripping over myself.
Score: Maperla 0, Temple 1.
Step Two: The Snore Attack
I’m like, “I got this,” and plop down to meditate. Legs crossed, eyes shut—total guru mode. Except my foot goes numb, I tip like a wobbly toy, and then… ZZZ. I snore. Not a cute nap sound—a full-on lawnmower roar. The whole room hears it. A monk coughs. Someone mutters what I’m guessing is “save this kid’s soul.” I snap awake, red-faced, pretending I meant to do that.
Score: Maperla 0, Temple 2.
Step Three: The Sneeze Bomb
Here’s the knockout punch. My nose starts itching—uh-oh. I scrunch my face, hold my breath, but this sneeze is a volcano. Three… two… one… ACHOO! Loud. Gross. And—oh no—straight onto a monk. Like, bullseye on his robe. Time freezes. He stares. A drip slides down. The room’s dead quiet. I panic and blurt, “Bless you!” TO THE MONK. In his own temple. Bro, why?
Score: Maperla 0, Temple 3. Game over.
The Boot: Peace Out, Maperla
A guide walks over, smiling like I’m a lost puppy. Points to the door. I nod—busted. I shuffle out, head down, feeling the monks’ eyes burning “NEVER AGAIN” into my back. I came for zen. I left as a legend—of chaos.
The Verdict
Cursed? Maybe.
Banned? Oh, 100%.
Next time? I’m bringing a bubble suit—or sticking to the beach.